A Fated Meeting of Two BFFs
by XsonikkuXotakuKID
Summary: "...Because no one loves me…" The fox cried."That's too deep for me, could you repeat it, except in a way that I could somehow encourage you along with a pun or something?" The hedgehog replied. "Everyone hates my two tails," He replied more tersely. A PARODY! Rated T for Tacos and paranoia.


** Hey, this is the Gummi half of this account here! See, I share this account with my older sister, Sake. Besides the point, I've written a fun little parody here for you! Actually, I started this, like, over a year ago, found it maybe two months ago, finished it somehow, and BAM! Originally, I was just going to leave it "found", but after showing it to Sake, she died laughing and begged me to finish. **

** BTW: This isn't one of those parodies with crappy writing. That's just not how I roll. This parody is based on a plot that is extremely overused. Don't get all offended on me because flames will fed to my dinosaur who EATS flamers! I own nothing.**

They were gaining on him, and he knew it. How could he possibly ignore the shrill insults being hurled at his… ears. You know that sentence was super fabulous. Anyways, a ridiculously young aged humanoid fox child thing traveled the forest floor at speeds that weren't actually that fast if you think about it. In a world in which hedgehogs break the sound barrier, Michael Johnson would be looked upon as a snail. However, that is beside the point. He was running…

At least until a tree root obstructed the retreating fox's path, dashing all hopes of escape. So the inevitable came as his two pursuers reached him, laughing with the voices of dying hawks. Puberty had obviously heavily injected itself into these big bad bullies' vocal chords.

One of them was a wolf, because wolves are mean, right? His fur was hot pink and he had YELLOW EYES, because his mother ingested some questionable things before his entrance to life. He had a scar on his lip from a freak accident the town now referred to as "The Minivan and Ketchup Incident". Totally hardcore, the ladies just wouldn't leave him be.

The other was a wallaby (C how cretve im guyzzz) , who was brown like all of the normal wallabies, since his mother seemed to have standards, unlike the wolf's maternal figure. He wore a Polo Ralph Lauren shirt, because he felt painfully insecure about his rapidly changing body to go about in the nude, like his buddy and every other male Mobian in this story.

"Now who do we have here?" The wolf said with a smug smile, towering over his victim, who looked like he was about to wet himself.

"Duh, Flurp! It's the freak!" His wallaby friend pointed out, clueless to the rhetorical nature of that question. Both wolf and fox blinked at the brown animal's idiocy.

"No, REALLY, Biff?" Flurp exclaimed, pouring as much scalding sarcasm into those two words as possible. Biff felt hurt.

"You asked…" Biff huffed under his breath. His companion rolled his YELLOW EYES as he turned back to his prey, which had resumed cowering beneath the awesome power of a hot pink teenager. Hot pink is the color of power.

"Now, how should we take out the trash today, Biff?"

"I thought you took out the trash before we left your hou-"

"Shut up, Biff."

While watching the verbal spar between the two "friends", the main character thus far gathered his two fluffy tails and pressed them to his chest, hugging the appendages like twin teddy bears. Oh, I forgot to mention he had two tails, didn't I? Bad author… bad.

"Just whatever, Biff! We gonna beat him up or what?" Flurp cried in exasperation, not realizing his voice cracking at an insanely high pitch at the end of his sentences.

"Do I have a say in this?" A small voice squeaked, already knowing the answer.

"Shut up, freak!" Biff bellowed like a cow being thrown off a building as he snatched up the tiny fox by the scruff of his neck and roughly threw him back to the ground.

After a less than delicately choreographed one-sided fight that I'm too lazy to write, the two butt-heads decided to leave, as the growing boys were hit by the most sudden and ravaging craving for Doritos Locos Tacos the size of an aircraft carrier (not the tacos, the craving XD). The poor little fox lay curled up on the ground, shivering, bruised, and bleeding. Just then, it started to rain, because all sad scenes have to take place in the rain. And you, the reader, were just drowned in feels. Dem feels…

The two-tailed creature drew himself up, and started toward who knows where. Miles Prower, as he remembered being named, had no family after the poisoned lamb-chops at the annual Prower family reunion two years ago. Oh gosh, even I have to admit, that was horrible… Ahem, anyways, no one had been willing to take the four year old boy in, because apparently everyone on his native island are either feminists, or… meanie heads. Lovely retort, yes? So here the six year old was now, beaten and drenched with water heading to a cave he called home.

All in all, Miles was the kind of child who really needed a hug, which most of you readers, and even myself, would be more than happy to give. However, this is fanfiction written by some weird teenage girl you don't know, so we really can't do that. It denies the laws of physics. So he will stay… forever alone. For the next five minutes.

Don't you worry, fanfiction reader, the angsty-ness is almost over.

Miles trudged through the dirt and the grass, unknowingly killing hundreds of poor bugs with each step. However, this story is about the plight of a two-tailed fox, not the plight of bugs that happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. We shall spare a moment of silence to them later. Tears welled up in his eyes as he plopped to the ground, refusing to take another step, causing even more buggy casualties. I think we've found the real victims of this story.

"Why do they have to bully _me_?" The fox bawled the unanswered question. The clouds let loose more rain, as though saying "cuz".

After a good half hour of unbridled misery, the soggy canine had fallen asleep, leaned against a tall pine tree that provided the slightest bit of cover from the cold rain. Wow, this is getting real depressing… time to fix that!

"Now… where is that chili dog stand..." (I wonder who that is? It's most likely Edward Elric.)

Miles's eyes shot open and gibberish poured from his lips as he jumped to his feet, only to slip in a "conveniently" placed mud puddle. The puddle of rain-caused brown liquid I will describe to ultimate perfection seemed to just say "LOL OUT LOUD!"

"Hey… who's there?" The voice of Jaleel White or whatever voice actor those rabid fangirls/boys prefer echoed through the wooded area. Super fast feet flew through the forest (beautiful alliteration I intentionally used) carried a creature into the exact area the fox was in.

His quills were the type of blue you'd find if you gave the sky steroids. Speaking of steroids, if you hadn't figured out from the beautiful alliteration a few sentences back, he was unnaturally fast. Not that you wouldn't know that already. Honestly, you already know all of this anyway! However, I'm just going to describe him in a painstaking way anyway, because it makes me feel professional. His eyes were as green as…. grass. Deep. His shoes were so red, a cardinal would've been jealous. In other words, he was so cool, you couldn't call him cool. He was Icy Chill. He should be named Icy Chill the Hedgehog. Oh yeah… I forgot to say, he's a hedgehog.

"Hey young child that looks too young to be outside by himself bleeding and crying, what's up?" Icy Chill the… I mean, the mysterious hedgehog (WHO IS A MYSTERY!) asked casually, inspecting his white gloves for any imperfections.

"The sky… (sniffle) but what does that matter? I'm neglected, forgotten, hungry, lonely, sad, hurt, depressed and am in need of Cymbalta!" Miles replied, more tears mixing with the mud.

"Wow, your (shameless grammar error) quick to share your personal thoughts to a stranger!" the hedgehog smiled, and the fox did too. He hadn't smiled since the lamb-chops!

"My name is Miles Prower!" The child said, breaking through his hypothetical barriers to the soul he blocked off long ago. This is a deep six year old.

"Haha, more personal information? Well, I'm Sonic (Icy Chill) the Hedgehog!" Sonic cheered doing a random break-dancing move on the wet forest floor, because that's his second favorite thing to do. Ever.

"I defeated a maniac who tried enslaving our kind and forcing us to do a lot of unfun evil crap for the rest of our shortened life spans. But enough about me being an obviously cool amazing super hero, why are you a hobo?" The blue hedgehog sped through uninterrupted dialog like his everyday runs.

"Because no one loves me…" The fox cried.

"That's too deep for me, could you repeat it, except in a way that I could somehow encourage you along with a pun or something?"

"Everyone hates my two tails," He replied more tersely.

"Whoa! You have two tails? That awesomely symmetrical little buddy!" Sonic cheered, throwing a thumbs up his way.

"Now if only you had 8…" Sonic trailed off, before catching the awkward cough from his new friend. (such shameless anime references…)

"You think they're cool?" Miles asked hopefully.

"Yup! And just because they make you special I'll name you Tails!" He announced, pointing his index toward the sky as a beam of christening light fell upon him and his newly dubbed friend Tails.

"You mean… you're naming me after a part of my body?"

"Yup."

"The equivalent to you being named Feet?"

"Absolutely."

"…"

"I LOVE IT!" Tails cheered so loudly, the birds scattered, thinking the apocalypse was upon their multicolored rainbow kind. Because these native birds are rainbow colored, looking as though a rainbow coughed them up one fateful day after a bad concoction of Red Bull, Pop Rocks, and Lucky Charms.

"I'm glad… OH! I've had the most absolutely ABSURD yet totally plausible idea, Tails! You should use you tails to FLY!" Sonic exclaimed with an exclamation point as he threw his arms into the air.

"Uh… what about that idea sounds even REMOTELY possible, Sonic?" Tails questioned logically, scratching his head. Ignore the large word usage, because he is super smart and learned how to be a genius out of thin air.

"SHUN THE NON BELIVIEVER!"

"Sonic, I-"

"SHUN!"

"Sonic-"

"SHUUUUUUUUUUUN!"

"I-"

"SHUN SHUN SHUN-"

"WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT! I'll try it, okay? Happy!?" Tails roared, completely out of character before melding back into his sweet, normal character like it never happened.

"K!" Sonic sung, preferably to the tune of the Brady Bunch or Full House's theme songs, but whatever floats your boat. (But whatever you choose, anything other than Full House or the Brady Bunch is the Titanic, so it wont float long!)

In a state of utter dramatic concentration, the world surrounding fell silent. The leaves stopped rustling, the rainbow birds were already in Tahiti by now, and…. other noises that would normally be heard were not heard. Tails sucked in a big breathe of air, and began spinning his two tails in a way I myself, the author, cannot explain in a way that makes any sense in any way I could possibly put it. Faster and faster they went, until they were blurred by speed and could probably amputate a finger.

Or solid metal! (OMG SPOILERZ)

Suddenly, defying the laws of physics (bye-bye science textbooks!) he was lifted off the ground as his tails rotated like the propellers of an airplane. Totally new comparison, I know.

"HOLY PEANUT BUTTER CUPS! I'M FLYING!" Tails wailed in delight already a pro at flying, since he's been practicing for so long.

"Man, I'm so smart, I deserve a PhD in being awesome," Sonic grinned to himself, patting his own spiky blue back. No, he's literally patting his own spiky blue back. It kinda hurt his hand, but he was too busy congratulating himself to care all that much about his profusely bleeding fingers.

"And it's all thanks to you, Sonic!" Tails applauded, landing back onto the ground.

"Heh heh, it's what I do. Helping people," He winked and clicked his tongue.

"Oh yeah, you said you were a hero, right? How do you fight? Can you pull stuff out of thin air using Alchemy? Do you have super cool gadgets like Batman? OH! Do you have a sidekick who can transform into a scythe? Or maybe twin pistols-"

"I roll."

"You what?"

"I roll. I roll into my enemies… and they explode."

"…"

"I be rollin'. They hatin'."

The two animals blinked at the somewhat anticlimactic answer. Well, all Mario does is step on people, sooooo, whatevs.

"Alright, then, do you think I could join you?" Tails pleaded to the guy, hoping that this would be different from the time that guy in the plaid hat offered him some candy.

"Hmmm… take a six year old on a long and perilous journey to defeat a psychotic mad scientist and his army of deadly robot creations…. Fine, but only because the grass is green today," Sonic replied after a tense moment of waiting.

"OMIGOSH YAAAAAY!" Tails squealed like a perverted middle school fangirl who found a treasure trove of yaoi, jumping around like a kangaroo that discovered ecstasy pills.

"Ha ha, okay, stop it now. We can be bffs forever now, okay?" Sonic asked, crossing his arms with a look of complete seriousness.

"Alright"

"Swear it on something."

"What?"

"Swear on… that tree over there!" Sonic pointed out a tree that looked exactly like all of the other ones.

"Umm… I swear on that tree?"

"Goood… Wanna help me fix my plane? I crashed it on the beach. It's kind of a smoldering pile of radioactive ash and I think it needs a new paint job. You should do it for me!

The two stood in silence for a moment before breaking in an unbridled fit of giggles for the next 2 weeks.

"No… really, Tails."

** The end! Ha ha, a whole mob of people probably wants to burn me alive. I've seen this exact story done SO MUCH, that I made the stupidest parody alive about it. Soooo, tada! :D**

** This was kind of symbolizing how after years of obsession, I'm breaking away from this fandom. I tried doing 4 other serious stories on here but everyone ignored them (different account). This'll either be ignored, or get me eaten alive by bears. Also, the fandom is getting kind of repetitive for me. However, if this gets a good enough feedback, I might return to write for you guys a bit more. Request doors are always open (Sake may say otherwise, so ask for Gummi)**

** Based on all the shameless references, I'm an otaku (anime fan) now. My favorite anime is currently… Soul Eater! I shall ride into the sunset with the OCD son of the grim reaper now.**

** Farewell Sonic Fandom (maybe for now…)! I go into Infinity… AND BEYOND!**

**Gummi from ~XsonikkuXotakuKID**


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